


Let me fall, you can't save me now

by a_lonely_tatertot



Series: Gay Kotlc For Your Soul [4]
Category: Keeper of the Lost Cities Series - Shannon Messenger
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, Suicidal Dex, Suicide Attempt, don't read if that triggers something, that one weird human, worried Keefe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-29
Updated: 2020-06-29
Packaged: 2021-03-04 02:02:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,497
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24985774
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/a_lonely_tatertot/pseuds/a_lonely_tatertot
Summary: Dex wants to die, what's the point of living when no one cares?
Relationships: Dex Dizznee/Keefe Sencen
Series: Gay Kotlc For Your Soul [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1795663
Comments: 1
Kudos: 39





	Let me fall, you can't save me now

**Author's Note:**

> Heyyyy so this has a lot in it, there's attempted suicide and talk of suicidal thoughts if those things trigger you in some way or another DO NOT read this.
> 
> It does have a happy ending because I was already hurting my children enough I couldn't do more, so it does end well! With extreme fluff! And it gets a bit choppy near the end... so sorry about that

They were on the roof. How did they even end up there? The sound of cars (cars? Why were they in the Forbidden Cities?) speeding down the streets below them filled the night, the tears in Keefe’s eyes blurred both his vision and his memory. The entire night was a blur. There was a fight, then stairs, and running, and screaming, _begging_ , Dex laughing, not a good laugh, _bitter_. They were on the edge of the world, life, and death, a blurry line, the only thing separating them, was his death grip on the strawberry blonde’s arm. But his arms were already starting to shake and he didn’t know how much longer he could hold on. With one thought, that there was no way in heaven and hell that he was going to let this boy die, he jumped and curled his body around Dex’s, determined to take the impact. Pressing the leaping crystal into Dex’s hand, he spoke quietly against the wind, pressing Dex as close as he could, “I love you.”

 _God_ , how did they end up here?

They were sorting through papers, chasing their latest lead, that probably would end at a dead end. But they were hopeful, and they made a fun time out of it. Laughter filled the room, not for the first time, and Keefe’s eyes didn’t wander to Sophie, desperately trying to get a glimpse of the smile on her face, they wandered to the boy next to her. He wasn’t laughing. Only a small smile, that seemed strangely forced, played on his lips. Dex hadn’t spoken anything as he left, only stood, and walked out. No one said anything, no one really noticed. That happened more often now, Keefe was realizing, Dex would make an excuse, or not, and leave. Sometimes he would come back, sometimes he wouldn’t. It didn’t seem to bother the group, well Biana would glance at him as he left, but ultimately stayed where she was, and that above all, bothered Keefe. Normally Keefe wouldn’t do anything either, he would put the incident in a file in his mind, and continue on with the thought nagging at the back of his head, where did he go?

So this time, Keefe was going after him. He got up right after Dex, making an excuse to use the bathroom when the heads turned and his chest tightened in anger. It had started raining at some point between when he left Everglen and found himself following Dex at a distance into the rain. Currently, he was at war with himself, trying to figure out if he should try to talk to the other boy or not when Dex started to raise a blue crystal. Without letting himself think, which Keefe was very good at, he ran towards him and grabbed his hand before he leaped away. Neither Dex nor Keefe had time to register what was happening before they were pulled into the leap and had to pull their concentration together.

“What the fuck are you doing here?!” Dex yelled as soon as they landed, startling Keefe.

“Uh following you?” Keefe said, still surprised that Dex had just yelled fuck at him. The first thing he noticed about their surroundings, other than Dex absolutely losing it, was that it was so _loud._ There were people and cars and buildings everywhere. Keefe never felt more out of place in his life. Too busy looking around he didn’t notice Dex push the leaping crystal into his hand, or the sound of a door closing. He was worried now. Why would he give him the leaping crystal? It’s not like he had expected Keefe to follow him, so he wouldn’t have two. A sickening feeling found its way into Keefe’s stomach. Dex didn’t plan on coming back, not anymore.

He charged up the stairs behind the door, the feeling he was running out of time growing too fast for his liking. He ran, around, and around, getting higher and higher until at last, they came to a stop. Flinging the door open what he saw was worse than anything he imagined.

“Dex!” he cried helplessly. There was a pressure behind his eyes that only grew with every step he took. The boy standing on the edge of the roof finally looked at Keefe. Dex’s face was tear-stained and sad but there was a look behind his eyes of determination.

“Go, Keefe, you shouldn’t be here.”

“I’m not leaving you,” Keefe said. The sun was going down in the distance in between the giant buildings, it was a beautiful view to have been your last, but Keefe didn’t think about that right now. He wasn’t going to let Dex die, he couldn’t lose him.

Dex sighed, finally turning his whole body to him, “Come on, you all will be fine if I die, you’ll find someone else to make your gadgets, Tinker can do everything I can but better. Sophie and the rest except for Biana already act like I don’t exist, and she’ll be okay without me-”

“The triplets? Your parents?” he took a breath before adding, in a weak cracking voice, “Me?”

Dex winced slightly at the mention of his family, “They’ll be okay, this was nothing they could’ve stopped. And you? You’ve got people, Sophie’s practically in love with you which is clear to everyone except her,” it was Keefe’s turn to wince, “and don’t act like you never returned the feeling, you’ll be okay because if you haven’t noticed, people care about you,” he said the last words like a jab, and it did hurt.

“I-” _God_ , couldn’t his voice work normally for a second? “I care about you. And I won’t lose you, not again.” He tried to sound firm but he just couldn’t. There were visions of Dex’s broken body on the cement below them passing through his mind that he just couldn’t stop. He remembered how much it hurt the first time, he couldn’t- he _wouldn’t_ let that happen again. “Just please- please come down?”

“I've been up here about fifty times, watching the sun go down, staring at the cars, and apparently not having the leaping crystal made it a lot easier. I've made up my mind you’re not going to stop me,” Dex said, there was this scary aura around him, he had decided and that terrified Keefe.

“I- I’ll leap us both back home,” Keefe tried, desperation thickly coating his words.

“No Keefe you won’t, because then I’ll find another way.” Keefe was barely inches away at that point, though he had no memory of moving.

“I will! You’re not going to die! I can’t lose you!”

“I’ve made up my mind! I’m done being worthless!”

“YOU’RE NOT WORTHLESS TO ME!”  
“I WILL BE! You’ll find something better they all do! And fuck, I can’t take any more! And eventually, you get bored or you’ll move on and haven’t you realized? I’m nothing more than a tool in Sophie’s- the Black Swan’s- the fucking Counciller’s arsenal. I’ve been used and ignored over and over and I can’t take it anymore Keefe, you all abandoned me the minute that Sophie wasn’t interested. You stayed a little longer than most, so did Biana but I can’t take it, Keefe, I hurt my best friend who doesn’t even give a shit about me anymore so I’m done because the only way any of them will realize me is if I die,” his voice was filled with so much emotion Keefe couldn’t take it.

“ _Please_ ,” Keefe tried, begged.

“Goodbye Keefe,” Dex said softly, the ghost of the smile Keefe had fallen for on his face. He leaned down slightly, brushing his lips softly against Keefe’s tear-soaked ones, before letting himself fall.

“NO!” Keefe wildly grabbed at the air for something, _anything_ , to hold on to Dex by. His hands somehow caught the boy’s shirt. But his grip wasn’t strong enough and he felt Dex slip, and he was falling again. “FUCK! DEX!” He was barely able to catch Dex’s arm and hold on as Dex tried to wiggle free.

“DAMMIT KEEFE!” Dex yelled he was wild now, “Let me go! Why can’t you just let me go? Please I just want to go!” He wasn’t going to be able to pull Dex up, he realized as his grip started slipping yet again.

“Haven’t you realized?” he choked out in between ragged breaths, “I love you.” And at that moment the words seemed to fit. It wasn’t how Keefe imagined, no one imagined holding the person they love while they beg to die, but the worst part was that Dex didn’t react. He kept on begging and thrashing, yelling at Keefe to let him go. Keefe’s arm was beginning to shake as he tried desperately to think of a way they both got out of this.

But they weren’t both going to get out of this.

Dex was right about that.

And Keefe didn’t necessarily want to die, but his arm was screaming, and the image of his friends laughing flashed in his mind, and he decided if he was dying for Dex that was enough. So as soon as Dex went slack from exhaustion he threw himself at the other boy and wrapped his own body around him desperate to save him from the impact. “I love you,” Keefe repeated, he didn’t even know if Dex could hear him over his own cries or the wind rushing past him, but to Keefe, it was enough to know those were his last words. There was a horrible crack, followed by two more and a shit ton of pain. Keefe didn’t even want to know what part of him it was, just happy that it wasn’t Dex. He let his eyes close, trying to block out the pain, the horrible feeling that was probably Dex’s emotions that he couldn’t’ve figured out if he tried. The last thing he heard was a strangled cry and then nothing.

“Nonononononono,” Dex’s voice was weak, and his eyes stung as he stared at Keefe’s broken body. “Come on! Wake back up you stupid, stupid idiot, I told you not to save me!” He didn’t notice the stranger kneeling on the other side of Keefe until they touched his shoulder. He flinched away from them, wrapping his arms tighter around Keefe out of instinct.

“I know CPR, I can help him if you let me,” the human said kindly, slowly taking Keefe away from Dex. Dex wanted to push the person away and take Keefe back to Elwin and have him fix him but he couldn’t move. He could barely think. He didn’t know what the person was doing as they put their hands on Keefe’s chest, or as they shouted to someone to call an ambulance. It wasn’t until they were yelling, closing Keefe’s nose and blowing air into his mouth and the grim look on his face made him start to panic thinking that he might really be too far gone when-

Keefe’s eyes flew open as he gasped for air, and Dex let out the breath he didn’t know he was holding. And that was when he saw what was happening. “Shitshitshitshit,” he muttered. There were sirens blaring down the street, and a crowd around them, they couldn’t get caught like this. They were in _big_ trouble. Right after Keefe had woken up he passed out, probably from the pain. Dex served their surroundings trying to find a way out when he caught the stranger staring at him.

“There’s an alley behind us, you can go down there,” they said. Dex stared at him trying to tell if he heard him right. They smiled, “You clearly don’t like being the center of attention, and I’m not one to judge for not wanting attention. Go, I’ll cover for you.”

Dex barely had time to nod and grab Keefe, who was _extremely heavy,_ before the sirens were getting dangerously close. He threw one of Keefe’s arms over his shoulder and hoisted him up at the waist, and ran into the alley, adrenaline giving him a newfound sense of strength. He leaped to FoxFire, not really realizing that it was late and the chances that Elwin was at his office were slim and carried Keefe the rest of the way with his telekinesis, which was not as strong as he liked it to be.

After navigating the winding halls of Foxfire, he found himself bursting into the Healing Center calling for Elwin until his voice was hoarse. Bullhorn started screaming as soon as Dex dropped Keefe on to the bed which only made the pit in Dex’s stomach grow. Elwin worked as Dex paced. Sometimes he would send him rushing off to go find some random thing in his cabinets, but mostly Dex paced. Trying to get his mind off of Keefe’s soft whispered “I love you” as they fell, or the fact that Keefe almost died trying to save him. The moment that Bullhorn stopped screaming and watched from Elwin’s desk did Dex let himself breathe properly. That was when Elwin turned to him and the moment he didn’t want to happen was here. “So, are you going to explain why Keefe has injuries that look like they’re from falling off a roof and the fact that you both smell like humans?” his voice was soft but undeniably stern.

Dex barely got a shaky breath out and a stolen glance at Keefe before he found himself sobbing into Elwin’s shoulder. No of course he didn’t want to explain the fact that he threw himself off a roof, that he was going to kill himself, not Keefe. That it should’ve been him lying on that sidewalk, not Keefe. He stood there, soaking Elwin’s shoulder, for who knows how long when the exhaustion really kicked in and Elwin told him to get some sleep before he passed out on his feet. He wiped the remaining tears off of his face and changed into the pair of pj’s that were left. He stumbled into the cot across from Keefe’s and fell asleep watching the other boy.

Dex woke up in a cold sweat. Scanning the room, he let out a sigh of relief when he found Keefe still sleeping soundly. He found himself walking across the room and curling up next to the other boy, burying his head in Keefe’s chest, and falling asleep to the sound of his heart beating steadily.

There was a warmth next to him, and a smell of smoke and vanilla. Opening his eyes slightly he saw a mess of strawberry blonde hair. _Dex_ , his brain told him. Dex had wrapped an arm around him, and tangled their legs together. He smiled slightly and slowly moved his arm to pull Dex closer to him. _I’m never letting you go_ , he thought and fell back asleep knowing that the boy he loved wasn’t going anywhere, not if he could help it.

**Author's Note:**

> There ya go have some fluff after that, I came up with this idea after reading an idea for it on one of unmappedstar's asks on Tumblr and had to write it! (Yes Elwin knows all, I had to bring him up again
> 
> Hoped you liked it and I'm sorry for being a bit late, its been a rough little week or so and it was a bit hard for me to write this and I debated publishing it
> 
> AND I changed my name on here, wattpad, and tumblr because I liked this one better so, yeah, you can find me on those under a_lonely_tatertot, about the road trip fic idea that I talked about last time, I am going to do that I'm currently rewriting the first chapter and have a bit of writers block currently so its gonna be a while till it's up! 
> 
> Anyway, Tatertot out!


End file.
